Here we go again.  It’s an infectious disease — vulgarity, that is — and it’s spreading.  All the way to Aqueduct.

Thank heavens it just got stopped in its tracks.  Jockey caps off to the racing stewards, who rejected the request of Kendall Hansen to dye his horse to match his silks.

Hansen owns a Derby hopeful named after himself (which in a world of bizarre names, isn’t bizarre at all, and certainly less bizarre than his current idea).  The horse named Hansen is the one who unseated Union Rags in the Breeders’ Cup Juvenile.  Hansen (the horse) is gray, and Hansen (the owner) wanted to dye his horse’s mane and tail blue with a touch of yellow so he could be color-coordinated with the jockey on his back.  Bring me my smelling salts!  

Can it be long before fake tails and glitter nail — oh I mean, hoof — polish invade the backstretch?

Ready for the races -- best friends today, competitors tomorrow!

Hansen says, “…we want to get kids involved…”  Oh, now that’s a good idea. Let’s teach the little tykes all about off-track betting while they’re young and impressionable.  Maybe set up seminars in playgrounds and offer to serve yellow cupcakes with blue icing (to match the horse!) and teach children and their parents how to read the racing form!

Hansen goes on about the kids — “They’ve been sending in letters and fan mail and though it’s more mythical with them, like Pegasus and a unicorn, and if they saw a color on the horse it might perk them up.”

So, according to Hansen, this is all about perking children up?  Where have I been?  Now they need perking up?  I thought perking up was a big problem these days and that’s why they’re all on Ritalin.  Is Hansen’s proposal simply a ploy to help adjust their medication?

Interesting that while working in a Ford plant in Indianapolis, Hansen made enough money wagering on racehorses to pay for his first year of medical school (Ah ha!  That explains why it’s important to introduce children to racing at a young age!).  Now he operates a pain-management center in Crestview Hills, Kentucky.  Which brings to mind the current plot line on Justified.  I love that show.  Is anyone else watching?

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